libido gets lost in the doing

Do you desire yourself the way you want to be desired?

Writing this on a Friday night desiring myself for the first time in a long time. Getting curious enough to explore the depths of my own body. Making time to explore the depths of my own body because god knows making time for self the way self deserves to be made time for isn’t easy.

Libido gets lost in the doing and harder to find in the need to do more. It can feel so tricky to honour spare time without thinking that spare time needs to be filled with more things to do. Anything pleasurable gets put off for some other time.

Why?

Because worth gets lost in work. Worth gets lost in someone loving us, someone desiring us, someone choosing us. Worth gets lost in all these things.

Unless we think we’re worthy, worth is everywhere and not within. And within is where we find ourselves. Within is deeper than the heart, It’s in the way we caress our own bodies, The way we talk to our own bodies, The way we make time to get curious that little more about what we want, what feels good, what we deserve and how we can give it to ourselves.

It’s in the way we hold ourselves when someone lets us down. It’s in the way we don’t wait for someone to please us before we please ourselves.

Do you know why I desire myself more than I ever have?

Because I have called back all the power I gave away. I nurture myself. I nurture myself when my heart rate elevates, When fear seeps through my skin, When my heart aches from love, When I am misunderstood.

I desire myself because I respect myself,

And do you know what happens to a woman who respects herself?

She is so turned on by her mere existence that pleasure meets her in the drops of water on her skin, in the first sip of coffee and in the way she walks out of a space that no longer serves her.

I wish for you to desire yourself first. If that seems foreign to you, begin by affirming it so;

“May I begin to desire myself the way I wish to be desired.”

Divine energy will respond accordingly, this piece you are reading is already proof of that.

Photography by Camille Brodard